Blogging as Sacred Space

Dear Comunidad,

I’ve started this post in various forms over the last couple of days. I always ended up erasing it. Why did I start this blog? It should be fairly easy to answer. Yet, every explanation sounded too angry or t0o selfish or too whiny. I have resounded to the fact that it’s going to sound however it will sound and I will have to work through all the baggage. After all, isn’t that really why I started this blog?

So….*deep breathe*, I started this blog because I was (and still feel) alienated and alone in my current spiritual community. I attend a suburban missional church that is predominantly white, straight and middle class. All primary ministry positions are held by white, straight men. While the community is quite young in age, there is little ethnic or sexual diversity. The community s a whole is not affirming. Some members have extended friendship to me, yet their comments are often insensitive and prejudiced. Pointing this fact out is met with hostility and defensiveness. Most encounters with people of color, whether intentional or by chance, occur within a power dynamic that is problematic at best. As a queer person of color this feels like a constant slap in the face. It makes me feel like a token. It doesn’t make me feel like a valued member of the community.

The reality is that….

I am queer.

I am Latina.

I am Christian.

I was born this way, by Godde’s design. I am proud and unashamed about who and what I am. While these are significant pillars of who I am, they aren’t the only ones. I am also a daughter, a sister and a friend. I am a procrastinator and a crier. I am addicted to coffee, books (especially antiques), and flowery perfume. Above all else, I am a human being, who came into the world just like everyone else and recognize that I only have a relatively short time on this planet.

I also come from a very different Christian tradition than most of the people I share community.  I currently attend a missional (non-denominational/protestant) church where there are significant differences, culturally and linguistically, in theology and in practice. I sometimes feel as traditions that deviate too much from theirs is viewed as less worthy. There are many differences theologically, culturally and even linguistically. I often am lost in the language they use, particularly in areas where the differences are glaring

  • form of worship (congregational vs liturgical)
  • understanding of the Eucharist (symbolic versus umm…sacramental)
  • ideas around salvation and “born again-ism”
  • view of Scripture and the value of Sacred Tradition of the historical church

….just to name a few

I have considered seeking out a new spiritual community on many occasions, but it’s hard to step away when you have been in community with people for  almost three years.

Truth – I care about the people in this community

Truth – I want to feel validated and valued

Truth – I don’t want to just be a token

Truth – I need community

I have questions than answers. What I do know is that right now I need space to take a beat, to unpack some of my thoughts without feeling like I am in a dissertation defense.

In comes Seeking God in Community, my personal sacred space, providing me with:

…the freedom to work through questions

…the freedom from judgment

…the freedom to make new, meaningful connections

…the freedom to participate in in two-way conversations

I hope that we can have some honest and authentic discussions around topics that challenge me and maybe a few that challenge you.

Thank you for coming on this journey with me!

Recibir a Cristo,
Eva

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About Eva K. Delgado
I am a 30-something queer Latina seeking Christ. I believe that we are called to seek out God in and through community. I am just trying to figure out what that means in my life.

2 Responses to Blogging as Sacred Space

  1. Sun Principe says:

    I am very impressed with your choice to create sacred space here. I too value words and my connection to the divine deeply. My theology is complex yet I am comfortable in the same room with many different believers. It is always nice when people come together because they understand that love is all. All the names. All the diversions. The brain wants to make this complicated for all of us – the human condition perhaps. For me it is simple. Love is at the beginning of this thought, the center and at the end. If I come from another place such as fear, then I cast that on to everything that I touch or speak. Love is at the center of this project so I am sure that you will have a beautiful garden of words here.

    Thank you for sharing a part of your journey with me.

    Many blessings

    Sun

    • Thanks! I needed a space where I could think, where I could unpack ideas without a lot of people in my ear. I love dialogue. I probably couldn’t blog without it. Blogging is very much a two-way conversation for me, without which blogging would loose its sense of fulfillment in my life. Yet, what I have been trying to protect myself from is people telling me what to believe and when to believe it, not allowing them from shoving me into their closed because of their discomfort.

      I believe we can only own our own narratives and we can only be a part of the narratives of others in such a way that speaks truth to our own narratives and doesn’t harm theirs. (ok…I am still working on that Eva-ism).

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