The Gospel Should Be Enough…but it’s not!

Dear Comunidad,

I just want to start off by saying that I have missed blogging here as of late. December is always a busy time of year for me – wrapping up current projects, closing the books, preparing for the year to come. Due to some new circumstances, December is turning out to be even busier than usual. However, I think that I am back. I have one more week of lots of projects. I have decided to take some down-time during the week between Christmas and New Years. With that being said….

I love blogging about the intersection of faith and community. I love blogging about the intersection of faith and politics/culture. I love living at the intersection of faith, community and culture even more than blogging about it. I love being in relationship with people that I share faith with, people who can come to the table in love to talk about important issues that we may or may not agree on.

Well…only sometimes and often only in theory!

I think that while we are called to live relationally, I also believe that relational living has the potential to harm more than help. The reality of living in community with people who tolerate more than accept is painful. This happens when certain boundaries are crossed, when entitlement creeps in, when people begin to feel justified in ways they clearly aren’t. These situations usually originate from an unequal and unhealthy power dynamic, whether real or perceived, a nuance that typically only boils down to semantics.

My truth is that…

I believe in the Gospel.

I believe in the Kingdom of Godde.

I believe that we are called to be relational.

I believe that I am Godde’s child, made in the perfect image of the Divine.

Yet, I am not convinced that the current community of faith I find myself in is healthy for me. In fact, I know that it isn’t. I knew that more than a year ago when certain events transpired. I know for sure that it isn’t healthy for them (but that is an Eva-ism for another day). I am not sure how I can continue to go to church Sunday after Sunday. I fail to see what good can come from me continuing to fake feeling included and accepted, when in reality I only feel tolerated.

Quick sidenote – this post was originally inspired by some trends and behavioral patterns I was witnessing at my church that were making me increasingly uncomfortable. Sometimes there is a fine line between being in community with people and people being all up in each other’s  business. I was noticing the latter at my church. I was noticing that conversations traveled throughout the church and not by way of the person who actually owned the particular narrative.

I noticed this behavior being couched in “concern” for the original party involved and that people were ensuring that said person would be “adequately supported” by the community. Sound’s quaint, right? It ain’t that cute though. It’s gossip. Sharing  a narrative that is not one’s own without that person’s consent is gossip, plain and simple!

My church has a track record in that regard and that track record ain’t cute either. Anyway, that is neither here nor there at this point since clearly this post went in a whole other direction…

Being at church has become painful. Being a part of the Kingdom and sharing the Gospel should be enough, right? It should transcend all else, right? It shouldn’t matter that we have little to no other common ground. It shouldn’t matter that they aren’t affirming, that they believe that I shouldn’t be afforded equal rights. It shouldn’t matter that they only give lip-service to “diversity” and “tolerance” but do very little to live that out in their lives. It shouldn’t matter that people openly pray to have their friend and loved ones “delivered from homosexual sin” and that they expect me to not be hurt by this. It shouldn’t matter that people feel entitled to sit in judgment on my life, to freely weigh in on my life as if you get a vote in my decision making process. My life is not a Democracy that they get to participate in.

None of this should matter because the Gospel should transcend. The Gospel should transform. The Gospel should do a lot of things….but it doesn’t. I should stop here and state that I fully believe in the majesty and power of Godde, it’s just Godde’s people who I have little faith in.

The Gospel should transcend all of these things, but it just doesn’t. Perhaps I am too broken or we are too broken, or the world is too broken, or all of the above.  Being in community does not feel restorative or redemptive or healing right now in my life, especially when it actually feels invasive, when it feels hurtful, when I don’t feel accepted,… right now!

Recibir a Cristo,


Blogging as Sacred Space

Dear Comunidad,

I’ve started this post in various forms over the last couple of days. I always ended up erasing it. Why did I start this blog? It should be fairly easy to answer. Yet, every explanation sounded too angry or t0o selfish or too whiny. I have resounded to the fact that it’s going to sound however it will sound and I will have to work through all the baggage. After all, isn’t that really why I started this blog?

So….*deep breathe*, I started this blog because I was (and still feel) alienated and alone in my current spiritual community. I attend a suburban missional church that is predominantly white, straight and middle class. All primary ministry positions are held by white, straight men. While the community is quite young in age, there is little ethnic or sexual diversity. The community s a whole is not affirming. Some members have extended friendship to me, yet their comments are often insensitive and prejudiced. Pointing this fact out is met with hostility and defensiveness. Most encounters with people of color, whether intentional or by chance, occur within a power dynamic that is problematic at best. As a queer person of color this feels like a constant slap in the face. It makes me feel like a token. It doesn’t make me feel like a valued member of the community.

The reality is that….

I am queer.

I am Latina.

I am Christian.

I was born this way, by Godde’s design. I am proud and unashamed about who and what I am. While these are significant pillars of who I am, they aren’t the only ones. I am also a daughter, a sister and a friend. I am a procrastinator and a crier. I am addicted to coffee, books (especially antiques), and flowery perfume. Above all else, I am a human being, who came into the world just like everyone else and recognize that I only have a relatively short time on this planet.

I also come from a very different Christian tradition than most of the people I share community.  I currently attend a missional (non-denominational/protestant) church where there are significant differences, culturally and linguistically, in theology and in practice. I sometimes feel as traditions that deviate too much from theirs is viewed as less worthy. There are many differences theologically, culturally and even linguistically. I often am lost in the language they use, particularly in areas where the differences are glaring

  • form of worship (congregational vs liturgical)
  • understanding of the Eucharist (symbolic versus umm…sacramental)
  • ideas around salvation and “born again-ism”
  • view of Scripture and the value of Sacred Tradition of the historical church

….just to name a few

I have considered seeking out a new spiritual community on many occasions, but it’s hard to step away when you have been in community with people for  almost three years.

Truth – I care about the people in this community

Truth – I want to feel validated and valued

Truth – I don’t want to just be a token

Truth – I need community

I have questions than answers. What I do know is that right now I need space to take a beat, to unpack some of my thoughts without feeling like I am in a dissertation defense.

In comes Seeking God in Community, my personal sacred space, providing me with:

…the freedom to work through questions

…the freedom from judgment

…the freedom to make new, meaningful connections

…the freedom to participate in in two-way conversations

I hope that we can have some honest and authentic discussions around topics that challenge me and maybe a few that challenge you.

Thank you for coming on this journey with me!

Recibir a Cristo,

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